


The Pros and Cons of Letting Go

by AllMyBrokenStrings



Category: Original Work
Genre: Character Death, Death, Major Original Character(s), Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Sad, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-09 17:22:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12281025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllMyBrokenStrings/pseuds/AllMyBrokenStrings
Summary: The moral of the story is, no matter how hard you try, some people won't get their happy ending.This story is also on Wattpad and Quotev





	The Pros and Cons of Letting Go

Onyx stared sadly at the gray slab from the bench by the willow tree. Tears threaten to escape his eyes as the feeling of emptiness seem to fill his heart. The orange and red sky slowly turned purple, then blue, the stars littering the night sky. The tall grass danced through the wind, and the drastic change of hot to cold temperature sent a shiver down his spine, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Sighing, Onyx got up from the bench and walked towards the gravestone.

The tall, green grass covered the face of the stone, but not completely. Sitting down crisscross in front of the slab, Onyx sat his elbows on his knees, resting his head in his hands. His vision blurred as the tears build up in his eyes. He made no attempt to stop them from falling down. His lip quivered as the tears streaked down his face, shacking almost violently.

This wasn't right. He was supposed to be laughing and telling jokes with his best friend. He was supposed to be offended by a joke Leonard had said, and he was supposed to brush it off because he knew Leonard would NEVER actually mean it. He was supposed to bring up memories that made them both cringe, but laugh it off because if they were both being honest, they were hilarious.

He and Leonard WEREN'T supposed to be held at gun point while walking back home from the movies. And Leonard SHOULD'VE stayed where he was at instead of taking the bullet. Onyx SHOULDN'T have been covered in his best friend's blood trying to stop the rapid flow of the dark crimson liquid oozing out of Leonard's body. And Onyx SHOULDN'T have been shouting, crying, as his childhood best friend's breathing came to a stop.

Snapping out of his daze, Onyx had realized that he started hyperventilating. Collecting his thoughts, Onyx focused on breathing, slowing down after a minute or two. He regained his breath, but he never stopped crying. He will never stop crying. In their relationship, Onyx was always dependent on Leonard, weathered it was for comfort, or he needed conformation, he relied on Leonard for almost everything. Leonard was family. And now he's gone.

He didn't want to be alone right now. He didn't care if it was Michael who was with him, or if it was Dexter, he just didn't want to be alone. Even David would be nice right now. As if on cue, he heard quiet footsteps coming from behind. Turning his head, he saw none other than David. Okay, he changed his mind, he wanted to be alone.

It's not that he didn't like David, he saw him as a brother, but David wasn't really on good terms with Leonard. They got into a fight not too long ago, and it seemed that those wounds never healed. Whenever they're in the same room, the atmosphere was uncomfortable. They had nothing against each other anymore, but it was never the same. Onyx doesn't think he would be that much help to be honest.

Onyx sighed and brought his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs and rested the left side of his face on his knees. Onyx didn't bother looking at David when he sat down next to him. The silence was a bit awkward, Onyx knew that David wanted to say something to him, but he didn't say anything.

"Hey." David spoked softly.

"Uh, hey." Onyx muttered out.

It was silent for a few moments until David spoke again, "How you holding up?"

Onyx swore under his breath as the wind brushed through them, causing him to realize how cold it was.

He turned his head to look at David, "I'm holding."

The two of them stayed quiet for a while. David looked at Onyx and furrowed his eyebrows together, Onyx's shivering from the cold was noticeable now. David couldn't help him in that department, he was only wearing a t-shirt, same as Onyx. David sighed and checked the time on his watch, it was already 8:43P.M. David pushed himself up in one swift movement, stumbling a bit. He looked down to his close friend and frowned with concern.

It's been almost a year and a half since Leonard died. Every morning, and every night, Onyx came and visited Leonard's grave. Leonard had been cremated, and of course, the grave would be in the cemetery. But Onyx didn't want to drive two hours to the graved, so they made a second one in their backyard. He'd only stayed with the gray slab for an hour, every morning, and every night.

Nothing more, and nothing less. Today was different. Onyx woke up at 2:32A.M. and has been out here since. David knew how this worked. He lost more than two-three friends, and of course he still misses them to this day, but it was never this bad. David knew that Leonard's death screwed up Onyx, and  _bad_.

"Onyx, come on, let's go inside." David said softly, placing his right hand on his shoulder.

Onyx kept his eyes on the stone, "A few more minutes." he muttered, drowsiness clear on his face.

David face soften and bends over, gripping Onyx under his biceps, pulling him up with force. David turned Onyx around and looked him into his eyes. He hesitated. He hated when people told him to let his friends go, and he didn't want to tell Onyx the same thing. But, at this point, he had no other choice, it was getting a little ridiculous. David choked on his words a few times, it was too difficult to say, and especially when he knows exactly how Onyx feels.

David sighed, it was now or never, "Onyx...You need to let go."

Onyx furrowed his eyebrows in disappointment, "What?"

David closed his eyes, "You need to let him go. You need to move on-"

Before he could continue, Onyx cut him off, throwing David's hands off his shoulders, " _You_ , want  _me_  to let him go? I can't let him go!  _You_  let go!"

David frowned in annoyance, "Onyx, I'm being serious."

Onyx rolled his eyes, "Oh my God, stop the all presses. David is being serious."

David threw his arms to his side to show exaggeration, "If you just listen to me you can do this!"

Onyx got angry at David, pointing to him, he nearly shouted, "Well I don't want to do this, you ever think of that? All I want to do is stand around and talk to my friend, but he's gone now, and all I've got is you. It's not much of a riddle, David."

David was shocked. What does he say to that? David showed confusion, "What?"

"I know, David," Onyx sighs, and was silent for a minute. Onyx sits back down, and David follows, "Leonard isn't coming back. I know that. There's nothing I can do about it. But it still hurts," Onyx's lips start to tremble, not bothering to wipe away his tears or hide them as they rolled down his cheeks, "I've known him for 23 years, and I'm 26. He's practically my brother. Do you know how horrible it is to not have a brother, and lose a brother all in the same day?"

That wouldn't have made sense to others, but David knew exactly what he was talking about. David started thinking about Leonard, and his chest felt heavy as the situation dawned on him "Yeah," he whispered, "I do." A silent tear drops from his eye. Leonard wasn't coming back.

Onyx started to reminisce all the good memories he had with Leonard. Like that time when he caught Leonard sleeping with a teddy bear. Leonard was ranting on about how _"Honestly I'm just so evil. So full of darkness. I feed off the souls of the living. I strike fear into-"_

_Onyx cut him off with a smug look on his face, "You sleep with a teddy bear."_

_Leonard looked at him angrily, slowly raising his bear into view, "He's my SECOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS!"_

\----

Onyx laughed bitterly at the found memory. He spoke aloud to David, bringing up another memory of them together.

\----

_The two boys were up against a wall, trying not be seen in the spotlight. They accidentally broke into an In 'N Out, so now they're hiding from the police until the cost was clear so they could make a run for it._

_Leonard turned to Onyx in anger. "For the record, I blame you," he whispered shouted._

_Onyx was taken aback, "What!? This was your idea!"_

_Leonard blew a quite raspberry, "Well, you should've talked me out of it"_

\----

David let out an amused hum, but the air was far from pleasant. By now, David had let out a few tears, while Onyx was struggling to even his crying. He'll never see his best friend again. His best friend, his brother, never again. He's dead.

\----

_"Hey." Leonard whispered._

_Onyx turned his head to look at his friend who was lying beside him. The sun was covered by the clouds, but not completely. The oak tree was providing enough shade for the two boys._

_"Yeah?" He asked._

_Leonard sighed and turned to look at Onyx, picking at the green grass under his hand, "I...need to tell you something."_

_Onyx smiled reassuringly, "What's up?"_

_Leonard looked turned his head to look up at the sky, closing his eyes, "I want a family. I want a wife, I want some kids, I want a few pets, and I want a clique life, Onyx. I want it so bad," A tear escaped his eye and he hastily wipes it away, "And I'm so scared that no one is going to love me enough to do that with me. I'm scared I'm going to die before any of that is going to happen. I'm scared Onyx! I don't want to die alone!"_

_Onyx didn't know what to say to that. But he gave his best smiled._

_"Hey." He whispered._

_Leonard turned his head to look at him. With teary eyes, he smiled, "Yeah?"_

_Onyx took a hold of his hand, giving a reassuring squeeze before letting it go, "You'll get your happy ending, I promise."_

\----

Of course Onyx couldn't keep his promise, he never does. David sits closer to Onyx and pulls him into his chest, and Onyx returned the hug. Onyx couldn't control it anymore, and he cried. He cried as if his life depended on it.

Onyx yelled, "I want him back! I want Leonard back! I want my brother back! I miss him so much! Bring him back!"

Afterabout 40 minutes, Onyx had cried himself to sleep in David's arms. It wasn't ascold as it was before, it's bearable now. David look down to Onyx's tear stainedface. Onyx didn't look peaceful in his sleep. David knew, just by the look onhis face, it's going to be years until he recovers from this. Leonard wasn'this brother by blood, but it seemed that they were. And to lose someone likethat, is horrible. Onyx is never going to be okay again, not ever. Hedoesn't think Onyx could never live without him. Because David knows,they never come back once they're gone. He's not going to be okay.

* * *

 

Onyx stared at the gray slab from his bedroom window. It was 12:54AM and Onyx really needed his sleep for tomorrow, but he just couldn't. He wanted to go see Leonard, but David, as absurd as it sounds, grounded Onyx for a month after he stayed outside last time. Onyx refused to be grounded, he was a grown man and only he could decide if he needed to be grounded. The only reason he's going through with this is because of Leonard's sister, Casea.

 

Now Onyx swears he's not scared of any girl, but he also swears that Casea is  _no girl_. She's the Hulk on steroids. About 2 months ago, she threw a toothbrush at David's head so hard, she knocked him unconscious. A human being shouldn't be able to do that! So just to be on the safe side, Onyx's going to obey David because he knows that David will tell her, and she will  _not_  be happy. Onyx smiled at the memory though, just for a second, but it left as soon as it came.

Onyx frowns. This might make him sound like a bad person, but he desperately wanted to forget Leonard. He didn't like the memories because the tears came easily, like they do now. And once again, he breaks his promise to himself for this day. It's always a constant battle in his mind and heart. A war between remembering and forgetting.

He still dreams of Leonard, though. The man lost in his memory, fabricated by his nostalgia and broken heart. He has dreams where Leonard survived the bullet, or it was Onyx who died instead, or even when Onyx was shot, he would've lived. Where Leonard came back and Onyx finally got to say the words he wanted. He had often dreams of him letting go as well.

Onyx smiled bitterly as he remembered the day Leonard died. He died doing what he loved: swearing profusely. Onyx wasn't sad when Leonard died, well for the first 2 months he wasn't, but obviously that changed. Somewhere in Onyx's mind, he actually believed that Leonard was going to come back. That he was actually going to jumped out of his coffin or grave yelling, "SIKE!" He believed that.

Even to this day, he wants to believe it. Leonard couldn't be dead. He's _Leonard._  He's Onyx's  _best friend_. He's Onyx's  _brother_. Onyx refuses to believe this happened to  _him_.

Onyx knows, though. People leave. And all that's left are the memories. Memories he didn't know he would cherish. Memories that faded away as time passed. Memories that appeared before his eyes, as he said the unwanted goodbye to the one he couldn't fathom losing.

God, he misses Leonard. He knows he's being pathetic, but he can't bring himself to care. How can you forget someone that gave you so much to remember? He wants to say the words that he couldn't before. The words he wouldn't let himself say before, and the words he knows that Leonard wanted to hear. How could he be so selfish?

And in the end, he would do it all again, because Leonard was his best friend. He would relive his whole life, just to get the chance to be better. To be grateful for what Leonard had to offer. There was a tap on his shoulder.

He looks up to see....he shakes his head and moves from the window and walks to his bed. Laying down, he pulls his covers over his body, but leaves the light on. You know that you desperately need to sleep if your dead best friend taps your shoulder. Onyx knows that if you don't get enough sleep you could start hallucinating and you'll start to hear things too. But feeling things, like  _physically_? You might be dying as well.

Onyx turns on his side and closed his eyes, sleep taking over his brain, until he hears someone clears their throat. Okay, that sounded too much like Leonard's annoyed voice, well his normal voice. Leonard always sounds like he's annoyed with something or someone. Onyx snapped his eyes open and slowly but surely turned his head to the source of the voice...Okay. That's unsettling.

Standing by his bed, was Leonard in light blue pants and a cobalt hoodie that was a tad bit too big, an irritated frown wearing is face. Onyx abruptly sits up, startling Leonard of a moment. Leonard only smiled.

"You missed me," he states matter-of-factly. Onyx jaw went slack, not only has he been caught caring by his best friend, his best friend was  _right in front of him._

"Yeah that's right," Leonard continued, "I see you go to visit my grave every day, admit it."

Man, Leonard has been talking for not even 2 minutes and he was already pissing Onyx off with his cockiness. Maybe that's the real reason why Onyx wasn't sad at first when Leonard died. Onyx felt something wet hit the palm of his hand. He looked down to see it was a tear. Onyx touched his cheek to realize, he was in fact crying. Onyx looked up at Leonard to see him smiling fondly at him.

Onyx sprung out of bed and wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. Leonard stumbled a bit, but found balance and returned the gesture. Onyx was surprised that he just didn't faze through, that Leonard was a solid body, but hey, he wasn't going to complain. For about 5 minutes, Onyx kept hugging Leonard while crying, never letting go. Deciding this was getting to mushy, Onyx slowly let him go and sat on his bed.

Onyx stuttered out while trying to wipe his tears, "Hold on, you  _died_."

Leonard rolled his eyes, "Yeah, well it didn't stick," Leonard threw himself on Onyx's bed, laying on his back, "Man, 'Dying is easy' was the biggest lie ever. I'm exhausted."

Onyx furrowed his eyebrow. He knows he should be happy, but this doesn't seem right, "I don't understand. "It didn't stick"? What-"

Leonard cut him off with a tired sigh, "I'm still dead, Onyx. I just can't move on to the afterlife."

Onyx was even more confused, "You haven't found peace yet?"

Leonard lets out a dry laugh, "It's the other way around. I've already found peace, I've accepted my fate. But  _you_  on the other hand," Leonard pointed at Onyx for emphasis, "You don't ever want to let me go. And your grief is too strong, that's what's keeping me here."

Onyx shook his head and rested his elbows on his knees, dropping his head in his hands, "Leonard, just leave. I mean, I don't  _want_  you to leave, but you can't let that stop you-"

Leonard sat up straight to look at Onyx but Onyx refused to meet his gaze, "That's the thing, I want to go, but your grief is keeping me here. You know how a ghost can't move on until they found peace. I found my peace, but you haven't. And I literally can't move on until you let me go."

Onyx lift up his head to look at Leonard. Leonard frowned at Onyx's tear stained face.

"I...I can't let you go. I want to but I can't," Onyx sniffed and looked down at his bed sheets, "You're...you're practically my brother..." more violent tears escaped, "You're the only one that hasn't left. You're the only one that stayed with me. The only one that didn't give up on me," Leonard's non-beating heart was shattering, and Onyx continues, "You took me in when m-my parents disowned me. You're my brother, Leonard. And I love you and I don't want to let you go!"

Leonard frowned in despair and hugged his best friend. Onyx immediately hugged back and cried. Leonard...could just stay here...for Onyx-

Onyx pulled away, "No! Y-you can't stay here! I can't keep holding you back!"

Oops. He didn't mean to voice that, "Onyx, its fine," Leonard let out a dry chuckle, "I never knew how much you actually cared for me...its fine, really. But...why now?"

Onyx sniffed, "What do you mean?"

Leonard hesitated, "You...never actually told me that you cared for me, or that you even loved me for that mattered. So...why now? What was wrong with those words before?"

Onyx frowned, but then let out a bitter laugh, "I never did tell you why, did I?"

Leonard sat crisscross on Onyx's bed, giving him his full attention. It was almost impossible to get Onyx to open up. Maybe now Leonard will get some answers, even if he has to die for them...which is kind of ironic now.

Onyx sighed, "Every person who has said them to me has hurt me irreparably. And I guess I thought that if we just never said it then nothing bad would happen. We could just carry on. The universe would stay balanced. Because if I was allowed to have you completely, if the world gave me everything I could ever want... I feared what it would take in retribution," Leonard stayed quiet, Onyx gave a sad smile, "Not even for a second did I think that it would take you."

Leonard was speechless. The two of them sat in silence for a while. Leonard understands. He's not saying that Onyx can't miss him, but he needs to let him go. But after what Onyx just said, he's not sure if he can just tell him that.

"From relationships long gone," Leonard starts, "From grudges to regrets, from 'could've' to 'should've', and to the dead friend you still hang onto..." Onyx looks at him with teary eyes, "Onyx, you gotta free yourself from this burden of a past you can't change."

Onyx does nothing but stare at his hands, "You can miss me," Leonard whispers, "But let me go."

For another 5 minutes, the two not really brothers sit in silence. Onyx needs to let him go. He knows Leonard will just be unhappy if he stays here. Onyx lets out a breath. Tears threatening to sill. He's decided...he's letting go.

"You know," Onyx says, "I never felt sad when you died at first," Leonard cut him off sounding offended, "What do you mean at first?" Onyx ignores him and continues, "I never felt sad when you died because I couldn't imagine a world without you. But I know it's real," Onyx starts to cry, "And I know, and that's why I started getting sad."

As Onyx continued his speech, Leonard starts to become transparent, "But...things really are okay without you. I know that with my other friends, who even if you add them all together will never be able to compare to you, I know they'll watch out for me. And I know we're all gonna be okay. I know we're all gonna be okay. I know we're all gonna be okay."

Onyx repeated the last sentence to reassure himself. Leonard looks down at his hands that was almost completely transparent. He reaches out to Onyx, but his hand only goes through. Leonard starts to panic, trying to hold onto to Onyx, but Onyx only smiles sadly, and tears violent pouring down. Leonard focuses on Onyxs arm and manages to get a grip on Onyx's bicep.

Leonard starts to cry, "No! I change my mind! I want to stay here! With you! Please Onyx, Please! PLEASE!!!!"

Onyx grabs Leonard's wrist, the one tightly griping his bicep, and pulls it away, "Go to the after world Leonard. And say hi to Dad for me."

Leonard reaches his arms out for Onyx as he starts to fade away, "NO! PLEASE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE, PLEASE ONYX! HELP ME! PLEASE! I DON'T WANT TO GO! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"

Onyx struggles to keep his smile, "I'm letting you go..."

Leonard starts hyperventilating, "No...please..."

Onyx smiles, a beautiful, genuine smile, "I love you, Leonard. And you'll always be my brother."

Leonard stops struggling and smiles back, his voice barley a whisper, "I love you too, Onyx."

He's gone now. Onyx's smile immediately drops, and so does his tears. Onyx sobs uncontrollably for his friend. His best friend didn't want to go, but he needed to. Onyx didn't want him to go either, but he needed to let go. He did what he had to do. Let go.

\----

"Hey, Onyx? Onyx wake up," a male voice broke through Onyx's head causing him to snap out of his dream and waking him up.

Onyx slowly opened his eyes, his eyes meeting....oh it was David. Onyx's eyes were hurting because he practically cried himself to sleep last night. He pulled the covers over his head, "What, dude? It's too early to be up, man."

"Onyx," David sighed, "It's 2:32PM. Get up." David quickly pulled off Onyx's covers from his body.

Slowly, Onyx sat up fully in his bed, never opening his eyes.

"Man, what time did you sleep last night?" David asked in concern.

"Around 1:40AM," Onyx moved his legs off his legs, in the process, he felt something falling to the floor.

Onyx rubbed his eyes and reached down to pick up...a soft hoodie..? Onyx owned hoodies, but none of them were this soft. He stopped rubbing his eyes-during this, David sat down next to him-and pulled up the hoodie from the floor.

"Since when did you own a blue hoodie?" David asked.

Onyxs eyes snapped opened and looked down at the hoodie in his hands. This wasn't his, this was...

\----

_Standing by his bed, was Leonard in light blue pants and a cobalt hoodie that was a tad bit too big, an irritated frown wearing is face. Onyx abruptly sits up, startling Leonard of a moment. Leonard only smiled._

\----

This was Leonard's...He...really was here....?

"This is Leonard's..." Tears started to swell up in his eyes as he held the cobalt hoodie close to his chest.

David gave Onyx a sad gaze, "Onyx..."

Onyx gave David a sad smile, "I'm letting go..." Onyx looks back down at the hoodie, "It's okay to miss him, but I'm letting go...I'm letting him go."

David and Onyx sat in silence for a minute or two. David placed a hand on Onyx's shoulder, "Let's go eat, Onyx," David stood up.

Onyx nodded and stood up as well. David started walking out of his room, but Onyx stayed behind for a few seconds. Onyx put on the hoodie, adjusting it so it was comfortable, and surprise surprise, it was a perfect fit. He smiled sadly before walking out of his room to catch up with David.

It'll take a while for him to truly move on, but he'll manage. Because starting today, he's going to live for Leonard. For his brother.

Because at this point, that's all he can do.

Let go.


End file.
